User:Eighty5cacao/misc/Aspie notes/version 2
This page is based entirely on my personal experience. It is not supported by reliable sources, and it is not endorsed by Tepples. I have never been officially diagnosed with any mental health condition. Don't forget to read the general disclaimer.
Most Aspies try too hard to maintain Lawful Goodness or one of its immediate neighbors, forgetting that:
- Other people may not share their moral views
- Chaotic Good is still Good, and many Aspies forget that being Lawful can sometimes get in the way
- Moral and geopolitical neutrality are different from the type of "neutrality" characterized by a lack of social communication. (More on this below)
Quantity and quality of interaction
Aspies differ from neurotypicals in failing to prefer social interaction to non-social activity. More generally, Aspies fail to prefer talking (especially in person) to less personal forms of communication. Compare the joke about the eight-year-old boy who speaks for the first time in his life to tell his mother that the soup is cold. (TODO: wording - Mention something about how I prefer sending email to talking in person [for academic matters] or a telephone call [for tech support], even when this creates inefficiencies)
Most Aspies would do well to remember the "Hey Jude" lyrics, "For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool / By making his world a little colder." The point is that first impressions count, and one can't make a good first impression by being unwilling to interact. (This is one case in which there is no true Neutral.)
Aspies often have more difficulty communicating with neurotypicals than with other Aspies. They may thus underestimate the prevalence of neurotypicals in certain technically-oriented environments. This contributes to a vicious cycle in which unwillingness to seek out neurotypicals for social activity diminishes the opportunities to practice social skills, causing one to withdraw further "out of the loop."
Many Aspies seem unapproachable because they do not display the right nonverbal cues and because their behavior/speech patterns are overly logical. (TODO: Regarding the nonverbal cues: Aspies may actively deny communication without knowing it because they're not clear on what nonverbal cues they're presenting and/or what they mean.)
TODO: "Relationship bank account" analogy; among other things, like any real-world bank there are transaction fees, and one must make regular deposits to maintain the relationship in good standing (which means most interactions must be unambiguously positive) (cn, including looking at my books the next time I'm home for break)
Many Aspies respond poorly to bullying/trolling because they don't know when to stop assuming good faith: their minds seize upon the part of the trolling that is based in truth and get defensive[?] as a result. In comparison, a good neurotypical knows how to filter out trolling from legitimate conversation[...] Furthermore, may Aspies don't know how to politely express an assumption of bad faith[...]
My parents insist on "playing" Just Dance without actually holding the Wii Remote. My mind refuses to accept this. When I try to play for score, my parents complain that my movements look unnatural. I need practice, but I won't be getting much because the Wii is at home and my educational institution is one state away.
When I play DDR*, my parents complain that I look dorky (to paraphrase a bit). This is a result of sensory integration issues[...] In other words, I'm concentrating so hard that I can't look natural. (As suggested in the previous paragraph, my mind rejects the idea of freestyling to the extent that it conflicts with playing for score — even though there are health reasons I'll never compare with the real experts...)
Then again, any neurotypical who is unfamiliar with DDR would react similarly upon observing me.
*(actually, StepMania using a dance pad as input, with copyright-infringing songs from both the DDR and ITG franchises)
This section needs expansion
Early in my life, I used to give inadequate eye contact; not anymore. One of my parents has noticed that in situations where the other person and I are seated at a table, my eye contact tends to turn into a fixed stare, triggering nervousness on both sides. The other thinks my eye contact is still inadequate.
When they talk with me about this issue, it usually goes like this (heavily paraphrased):
- Parent 1 (to me): Remember to maximize your eye contact all the time. Look straight at the other person.
- Parent 2 (to parent 1): But if xe tries too hard, it won't look natural. Haven't you heard xem say that xe has to consciously think about how to move xyr eyes to prevent xyr stare from getting too fixed?
- Parent 1 (to both of us) There's no excuse for less-than-100% eye contact; that's how it is in the business world. (to me) Just look straight at the other person's eyes...their whole face. Try as hard as you can.
- Parent 2 (to parent 1): But xe's not like normal people; optimal eye contact doesn't come easily to xem... (to me) Take it easy, just do what comes naturally.
- (repeat last two lines several times)
(Maint. note: Gender-neutral pronouns refer to me.)
The important point is not the disagreement between my parents; rather, it is the fact that I have difficulty mentally taking in the other person's entire face as my conscious mind tries to override normal eye movements[disambiguation needed]. Instead, I have to think, "bridge of nose...now the left eye...now the tip of the nose...right eye...and back to the bridge." (That's why I've classified this as a motor coordination issue.)